Don't take her for granted

Our bedroom. Two voices. I knocked..

Strangers. Friends. Best friends. Lovers. Suddenly strangers again. I met my soul mate. She didn't. No return policy on the ring. Rumors say I didn't love you. I did. I do. I always will.  

Chattered soul. Tears like barbed wire. The sound of sorrow. Taste of anxiety. Sight of loneliness. Felling empty.

Mind explosions. Visions of the two of you. Get out of my head! Unthinkable. I thought we were inseparable. Welcome to the fault of my heartbreak.

I was a beautiful day, mid June. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her shiny blond hair fell perfectly effortless over her forehead as she turned to me. Her smile. Oh, her smile. Teeth like pearls on a row. Double dimple chins. Porcelain skin. Hourglass-shaped body. Clear eyes with colors of a beautiful bursting green galaxy. Vibrant. Charismatic. Artistic personality traits. Creative to the core. As exciting as exploring. As complex as a paradox. She was the one. The one I never dared to dream of. The one I didn't believe to exist. But she was real. My best friend. My team mate. My biggest fan. Hundred cheerleaders in one. She saw me. She heard me. Listened with attention. She never complained. Except that I didn't really see her anymore. That I took her for granted. She was right. I didn't see her. Until another man took her. While I was looking right through her, another man was looking right at her.

toa-heftiba-205003.jpg

Now I'm looking at her with the exact same eyes, but I see her differently.  I say she broke my heart, but did she? No. I broke my heart. Me not listening. Me taking her for granted. Me not attentive enough. Me not affectionate enough. Me not complimenting her. Me not seeing her. Me not bringing her flowers. Me rushing to the office when she made breakfast for the two of us. Me not noticing her new hair cut. Me not bragging about her. Me not prioritizing her few whishes. Me not choosing her before anything else. Me not cooking her dinner. Me not surprising her. Me not excited about what she was doing. Me not telling her how amazing she is. Me not making love to her. Me not hugging her every day. Me not sending random flirty e-mails during the week. Me not touching her. Me not showing her how irresistible she actually is. Me not taking her on dates. Me not showing her off. It's me. I broke my own heart. She did all of the above, constantly. How could she give so much of herself only for me to gain, without me giving? Because that's the kind of woman she is.

A man, I don't know his name. I don't want to know. I'm sure this man is buying her roses right now. He will tell her how pretty she looks today. He will pull her hair behind her ear, kiss her on her cheek and say he missed her during the day. He will lift her on the kitchen counter and prove to her how irresistible she is, making love to her right then and there. He will wake up early this weekend and bring two cups of coffee to the bedroom to spend quality time together before the day starts. He will invite her to take a shower with him. He will caress every inch of her body with bubbly soap and take a little foam from his fingertip and place in on the tip of her nose making her laugh. Making her feel girly. Making her feel safe. He will tell her how he's the luckiest man in the world and she will follow with why she's the luckiest woman. He will surprise her by taking her to a place she's never been before but said she wished to see. He notices the little things. Because that's what she always does. She listens. He will want to give what he gets. He will be what I never managed to be. He will be a giver as he receives. He will always put her first. She will always put him first. She gives it all. She'll always be his backbone as she was to me. She'll always give him a better night after a rough day. She will massage him to release his tension. And he will massage her feet after walking around in her pretty high heels all day. She will always manage to be whatever it is he lacks. When he lacks motivation, she will inspire him. If they have a setback, she will provide for a major comeback. He will treat her as his queen because she treats her man like a king. He will study her artwork and cheer for her. Something I never did. He will be her everything. He will be the one to see everything I see now. He will be the one to say everything I wish I said. He will be the one to do everything I wish I did. He will be the one to hug her back to happiness when she's upset not saying a word, knowing her silence says more than her words. Because where I looked right through her, he looks right at her. He will be the one.

But she cheated? Yes, but I understand why. We gave each other several promises, she broke one, I broke almost each and every one of them. 

We take our partners for granted. We are so used to waking up tomorrow noticing everything is right where we left it yesterday. Don't mistake people for beings things. The things will never move, but people will. And there will always be someone standing right behind you, seeing who's right in front of you, whom you only look at.

 
see her quote 2.jpg