November 2017

Heal your inner child

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There I was again. A little grown up, a lot of child. I stood proud on my tippy toes in my mother's couch looking joyfully out the window from our 9th floor apartment. I was waiting to see my dad's green minivan take a right turn at the light stop. My bag was packed with my nicest clothes, my favorite Barbie’s and presents I made for him in Kindergarten. My braided hair from the night before made me feel pretty and prepared for the weekend. And oh, the nail polish, I finally got to wear my mothers high-shine red nail polish. I didn't think about anything else than what we would do together during the weekend. I wanted us to sing along to our favorite songs and dance until we got so hungry he would drive us to McDonalds to get burgers, fries and milkshakes. We would watch my favorite movie and he would put me to bed playing his guitar while singing me a lullaby by the Norwegian band "DumDumBoys". I was as exited as I always was to see him.

Time went by but I waited patiently. Maybe he had to stop for gas. Maybe he was just at the grocery store buying candy for the weekend. Maybe he was stuck in traffic. My joyful smile slowly turned to a thick throat, frowned eyebrows and teary eyes as I realized yet again that he wasn't coming. He forgot me.. Over, and over and over again.
It's been almost 11 years since I last saw him. 

In our society today a majority of hurt children are walking around disguised as adults. Most of you struggle with emotional baggage in one form or another from your past. I admit with every part of my very being that my adulthood has been a brutal battlefield in certain areas concerning my relationship with my father during my childhood. It took years for me to realize that my reaction and thought patterns created in my early stages of life, destructively affected me on a daily basis and ruined most my previous love life. 

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I've had to face the fact that to be able to heal my inner child, I had to travel back in time, back to the source. It was a long time ago, but as the wounds were never taken care of they existed in me, open and infected. First when I came to the realization that I had to acknowledge my emotions as a belonging to the past, they began to heal through a relatively long but effective process.

We exist in three realities; the past, the present and the future. I was hardwired in the past in my present anxious about the future. I lived in all three at once in complete suffocating ache as where anxiety robbed me of the gift of life, the present.

Wobbling unsteady through life with an inner child still suffering and a blurry vision of your identity is what may be causing you to be co-dependent. Co-dependency is being in need of and/or addicted to others to define who you are and what you're worth. Co-dependency describes the emotionally distress developed through lack of love, caring, support, approval, acceptance as well as rejection, neglection and any sort of emotional or physical abuse, which might lead you to question or even lose your identity.

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How you organize and deal with emotions, experiences and memories from your past becomes your emotional survival strategy. A strategy developed over the years to manage and cope with life itself. It's a mechanism and safety filter created within which every new experience and encounter have to pass and be approved by for you to let it under your skin. It's the equivalent of viewing the world through a security lens, sub-consciously there as a result of your past. In other words, you find yourself in constant defense ready to run from anything that could point out a tiny part of memories from previous hurtful experiences. I could end up sprinting with major steps away from something or someone who didn't even put my emotional health in danger what so ever, but the existing fears of a possible outcome put me directly in flight and fight mode all at once, ending in resisting it all and running away. I admit I've lost great opportunities, denied myself of following my dreams and wishes and avoided encounters jeopardizing my spot within my illusion of a comfort zone.

I often asked myself - Who am I? .. I didn't know. I would say I've always been mentally strong, but emotionally weak and fragile. I was stubborn and dedicated, not afraid of speaking my mind or following my own path, but as I insecurely questioned my identity without finding the answers, I based it on my work titles, my relationship titles, my name, my age, my home, my clothes, my appearance and my belongings. As the years passed seeking to identify who I was, I realized there's no plausible answer to that. No one in is this world can say for a fact that there's a blueprint to who they are as we're all constantly in motion.

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As I was seeking, looking, digging through dirt and darkness to find myself I realized that finding myself in a time that no longer existed was impossible. I understood that identification isn't a static snapshot. Nature exists in a state of constant flow and growth and it is essential to understand that you are indeed a part of that nature. It's a never-ending ongoing process. It's in your nature to grow, to be in motion, to change, to develop, to expand and to learn. It's not in your nature to be constrained and cemented in an old Self. I finally understood that I had to change my search from "who am I?" to "who do I wish to become?".

I'd come to the conclusion that I wouldn't find myself where I was looking or where I thought I'd lost myself. I wouldn't find myself reliving every encounter in my life breaking my heart open and tearing me apart again and again. The whole thing was just damn painful to relive. It didn't help me one bit. A light bulb suddenly struck flashes and smacked me awake with the greatest revelation of my personal self-discovery. "That little girl does not exist anymore! She belongs to the past. I was her and she'll always be a part of me, but I'm not there anymore. I'm not her anymore. I'm me! I'm the one who exists. Me, right here, right now!"

I decided to continue to look inside and dig inside myself all the way down to the core, not for the sake of my identity, but to understand how and why this little girl affected me the way she did.

And so it began; my self-discovery through re-discovering, re-framing, re-evaluating, re-organizing, re-thinking, re-considering and re-setting myself. Oh my goodness, my life took a U-turn when rather than asking who am I, I contemplated who I wanted to become. I finally understood the inverse correlation between looking for my identity in a girl from the past and in myself in the present. The emphasis of self-discovery shouldn't be on discovering who you are underneath it all, but on facilitating the emergence of who you are today, how you can use past experiences as personal growth advantages and what you wish to experience in your life.

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Was it all a waste of time seeking my identity in a long lost place for years and years? Absolutely not, because where I thought I'd lost myself, I actually found myself. The sense of inadequacy led me to the question "Who am I?", but within the complexity of trying to understand myself, I found myself on a far better path where I could devote my presents to every unfolding process in my life. With that I can introspect, analyze my emotions, be aware of myself when I act out of old habits, discover where my reactions actually arise from and become more present in every moment through self-observation and create the Self I want to be Me.

How incredible is it to get to the realization that you can re-craft yourself through everything you're going through? There's always a new sense of Self waiting to be born. Rather than remaining wired up in fear, past illusions, misperceptions, old habits and destructive thought patters, you can gather the willpower and courage to discover yourself all over again, instead of seeking your identity in an old version of you from a time that belongs to the past. 

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Some of my friends questioned my route of choice thinking I might have lost my mind talking about healing, spirituality and seeking a deeper sense of my true Self. But who the hell cares? I for one did not. I had figured it all out by my self, for myself. "I'm not there anymore, I'm here which means so far I've certainly survived and lived through all of my worst days. I will find that child within me and I will hug her endlessly, loving her the way she's longing to be loved and see her for the beautiful individual she is. I will comfort her, I will tell her to relax and that it's all going to be ok. I will ask for her forgiveness as I've been looking for her in all the wrongs places for such a long time. I will promise her a lifetime of unconditional love and I will release her to the past, letting her know that in the future, she'll be safe, loved and exactly who she wants to be."

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It was just misperceptions within my inner child living in my sub-consciousness affecting me as to where I believed I wasn't worthy of anything more than my father provided me with. That thought was certainly as false one. Of course I'm worthy of more than that! You see? There was no truth in the reason to my lack of self-love, it was a misperception planted in my mind during crucial times where I as a child developed a significant sense of Self. 

What a blessing it was to finally be aware of myself knowing that there's nothing wrong with me. I was a perfect little innocent girl, just like everyone else, it was the perception of myself that was wrong. And my inner child came to the surface screaming to be healed for me to be able to release everything that was holding me back. As long as I'm alive I'm in control. I hold the power. I can chose to give myself all the love, the hugs, attention, promises and approval I never got from him as a child. And so can you, whatever your inner child is suffering from!

Some of my main issues projected on my adulthood was extreme fear of rejection and I for a fact did not believe I was good at anything resulting in me never being satisfied with myself. It was on a constant hunt to be more and better, not realizing I was already there, I was good enough. I didn't think I deserved love from a man, because if the man who was supposed to love me more than anyone didn't, then who would? I was afraid I wasn't important and that every man would leave me at one point, because that's what I was used to, causing possessiveness, insecurities and jealousy. Just plans that got cancelled last minute with valid excuses got to me as it reminded me sub-consciously of my father who rarely showed up. The list goes on. Do the work and observe yourself, your patterns, reactions, emotions and thoughts and figure out where they all come from. Read my post "Introspection" - to learn more about how to that.

Google became my best friend as I wanted to educate myself on self-love and self-acceptance and that's where I found a YouTube-video called "Heal your inner child". I'm happy to able to share with you the first YouTube-video I came across which led me a the path as to where I truly healed my inner child, released the agony within my heart and became able to fully live in the present moment. There are still scars left behind stabbing me once in a while, but I always know the cause to my reactions now, which makes me calm down rapidly if I do react to something. This video is exactly where it all started for me and I hope with all my heart that it can be the beginning for you as well. (Link to YouTube here)

 

Last, but not least.

My first love was my mother and my father. One ended in years of heartbreak and the other in an never-ending love story. Despite all the love my mother gave me, the broken part of me was living in blind distress inside affecting my adulthood in ways making me feel inadequate and worthless. Looking back, what she did for me 24/7 for so many years can't be justified with me trying to explain how I grateful I am. It's beyond words. Thank the heavens my mother is and was the mother of her caliber. She was able to be my mom and my dad when I needed it the most. To all the single moms and dads out there doing the whole job yourselves, we could never do this thing called life it without you. You deserve a spotlight like no other! 

 


I LOVE YOU MOM! 

THANK YOU!

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Are you in love or in need?

There are two different kinds of "falling in love". It's the "ego-based-thinking" or the "heart-based-being" that falls in love.

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When you fall in love from the viewpoint of ego-based-thinking, it's not so much the person you fall in love with, but how this person can love you. You're giving away your own responsibility of self-love and self-acceptance believing this person will fill you up with the love you lack within yourself. You might call it being in love, as a pleased and happy ego can absolutely be mistaken for euphoric love. But it's not actually being in love, it's being in need and in pain.

Being in need is the equivalent of co-dependency. The part of you "in need" is a part of you starving for love, as you're not loving yourself enough, or even at all. It's an empty space within, in desperate need for someone else to fill up the emptiness. As an ego-based-lover you define your worth, self-love and acceptance based on what is given to you by someone else. As you define who you are and what you're worth based on someone else, you will feel completely dependent on that person, believing you cannot live without him/her and that you'd loose yourself completely if the relationship ended.

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When you fall in love from the viewpoint of heart-based-being you've already learned how to fill your own space with love and you define your own worth based on who you know you are within. You feel lovable and worthy of the greatest love of all, as you're already in love with yourself and full of love. The inner fullness residing within you is a result of you taking responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You're in a loving state of mind packed with all the love you need and you wish to share this love with another, without ever actually needing it. You view a loving relationship as a blissful bonus to an already never-ending fountain of love within your heart. Your goal as a heart-based-being is to share the love with another heart-based-being, rather than just receive it.

When you choose someone from the viewpoint of ego-based-thinking, you'll choose someone you believe is willing to take the responsibility of filling you up with the love you lack within yourself. But there's a major issue with this needy relationship. The one you've chosen most likely has the same level of emotional needs within themselves hoping you'll be the one to fill up their emptiness as well. A relationship where you both focus on getting love, rather than sharing love, will eventually end up being dissatisfied partners and both will blame the other for not loving them the way they want to be loved, usually resulting in break ups. When the break up is the reality of the outcome, you will blame each other for your own unhappiness and insecurities not seeing that you're actually the one responsible for your own happiness, inner love and peace of mind.

This is an absolute nightmare of a relationship. I've been in a relationship wanting each other to complete one another in every way we could not complete ourselves. - Jealousy, possessiveness, arguments, tears, fears, insecurities, sleepless night, anxiety, desperation, control-freak, bitterness and loads of cold shoulders. You name it, that relationship had all the ugly juice in the world. Not to ruin the surprise here, but guess what, we broke up blaming each other for the break up. What a mess!

I wasn't a bad person or selfish searching for someone to complete me and you're not either! Some are even completely unaware it's their ego that's mainly in love. I wasn't aware of it at all. As I said, a pleased and happy ego can absolutely be mistaken for euphoric love. I know so, because it happened to me.

What I had to do was to stop and observe myself. I've written about self-observation here if you wish to read a full-length article on introspection. I've done a whole lot of work within myself to grow my self-love and self-acceptance. I've taken loving care of myself through meditation, mindfullness, healing my inner child, talking to myself and truly working on my communications skills. Not just how I communicate with others, but how I communicate with myself to target my ego and release it as it appears.

So how can you start loving yourself more? There are many ways to do this, but there's one specific thing I would like to share with you. It's quite simple, but it's not always easy as it might feel weird at first. You have to become the person to yourself that you want the other person to be, and I guess you've also come to the conclusion by now that you yourself have to be the person you're looking for in a partner. But how? Well, love is what you search for so love is what you'll have to give to yourself. Growing self-love is all about focus, determination and consistency.

Ok, so let's move on to the awkward stuff. Hah! This might sound really funny to you, but I promise you, this exercise was a life changer for me and you might have heard it before in some way. 

"The Mirror Relationship"

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Basically what you need is yourself and a mirror. Find a mirror, look yourself deep in the eyes, really deep, give yourself a flirty smile and say it out loud. "I love you!" Louder! "I LOVE YOU!" And even louder! "I FUCKING LOVE YOU!" Go to town with why you love yourself. Point at your self and smile, dance if you want to or sing it out loud. I love you because you're kind and compassionate. I love you because you're a great cook. I love you because you're an amazing father. I love you because you always do your best. I love you because you're passionate about your job and I love you because you always deliver in time. I love you because you're always there for your friends. I love you because you're a genuine person. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU!" Whatever you love yourself for, let yourself know it.

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You might feel tense and uncomfortable and as silly as ever - "Am I really talking to myself right now?". But talking to yourself is actually hilarious and you often end up laughing in your own company, which is an energy boost and ridiculously funny. Loosen up. Have fun with it. Make it a joyful habit.
I do this all the time!


Do it every single day for a little while. It's said it takes 21 days to form a new thought pattern or habit. As I'm not a scientist I can't say for a fact that it takes 21 days to restructure a pattern in your brain, but whenever I have tried to form a new habit for 21 days it has worked for me. Read more about it in this article written by James Clear at Huffington Post. - 21 days, 50 days, does it really matter? The days pass as quickly as you know they do anyways. 21 days from now you'll wish you started today. Write a note to yourself on the mirror as an "I love you"-reminder and set a side a few seconds to lift yourself up and love yourself every single day. You deserve it and what is greater than a new habit of loving yourself?

Now, get that mirror, LOVE YOURSELF, become the one you look for in everyone else and become the heart-based-being longing to share the love you've discovered in yourself.

Mirror-relationship-forecast: 100% chance of winning!

Twin Flames

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Imagine your soul energy burning in one big flame. Imagine that flame being divided in two. One part of the soul in you and one part the soul in another. You're each a whole and independent individual, but still one half of a greater oneness; The Twin Flame Union.

The feelings of recognition brought on by the union of your souls are felt so intensely that everything outside of this awe-inspiring, wondrous connection simply ceases to exist. If one or both twins are already in relationships, these often get temporarily pushed aside and totally eclipsed by the power of the twin flame connection in order to allow the strong bonding between the twin lovers to take place. When you meet your twin flame you'll be astounded by how deeply and endlessly you love this person, not with time, but immediately. Love at first sight. The status of existing relationships with someone else falls to be completely irrelevant. Many walk out of existing relationships upon meeting their twin flame simply because the love and connection felt is so strong that staying in the old relationship becomes an unbearable lie. It's like an uncontrollable explosion of a love so powerful you don't even know what to do with yourself, how to slow down the process or even resist it. The connection is so intense and insanely good it almost hurts.

In the beginning you'll be surprised by all the things you have in common. Similar experiences from the past, similar thoughts and feelings, you view the world in the same way, you have almost identical visions, ideas and plans for the future, you think the same way, you feel the same way, you even know what your twin is thinking and feeling. There's no end to the synchronicity between you. You end each other’s sentences. You say the same things at once. You call each other at the same time. Send texts at the same time. Think about and want the same things at the same time. You'll be overly amazed by how much alike you are and often end up saying; "meeting you was like meeting myself!" That's exactly what happens when you meet your twin.

As the bond and connection between you and your twin flame grows deeper and deeper, you'll discover that it's not synchronicity by chance. It's too much to be a coincidence. Thoughts like; "you can read my mind" are very common. Your twin flame is your mirror, a reflection of yourself, your values and experiences, your point of views, dreams, visions, thoughts and feelings. It does not stop there. You are the energetic mirrors of your souls. When you look at your twin you see your soul. You and your twin's soul are the same. You will come to the realization that you've known your twin before. It's a recognition between the two of you not possible to explain as you've never met in this reality. You will both be filled with a new truth of previous lives and existence. And as you spend more time with you twin it feels less like you're getting to know him/her, but more so that you remember who he/she is.

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Seeing yourself reflected in your twin's soul is a spiritual experience beyond human explanation. It has to be experienced and felt. It's like a beautiful feeling of coming home. You will learn the meaning of loving someone completely unconditional and nothing other than your true self is required of you to be. You will love and be loved in a way you never even dared to dream of. That love will be the strongest love you've ever felt and it will change you forever.

Nothing can or will ever come in the way of your love for each other. Read: your love for each other. However, your life together might be a whole other story if you're not ready for the intensity of a twin flame reunion.

When connecting with your twin flame your soul awakens. As your soul awakens, what comes to the surface is not only the blissful and magnified divinity, light and love, but also every other dark part of your soul. The dark parts of your soul is to be found and released within your ego.

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We all have our inner demons hidden and concealed, but as you reunite with your twin flame, those demons wake up. It might be lack of self-love, self-mastery, self-acceptance and image of your own Self, which you've been running from and denying. It will all be awakened and reflected back on you which brings forward a whole new level of an uncomfortable reality. Whether you want it or not and regardless of your choices from the point of meeting your twin, the meeting signals the start of a metamorphosis; a journey of self-discovery and transformation which calls you to re-evaluate everything you think you know. Just like the metamorphosis of the caterpillar transforming to a butterfly. This destructive process will provide you with new knowledge pushing you out of the co-dependent, ego-based relationship mind-set into the reality of unconditional love.

A true twin flame is the most important person you'll ever meet. They tear down your walls and smack you awake of your own Self. A twin flame's purpose is not only to provide you with the greatest love of all, the unconditional love, it's to shake you up, challenge you, tear up your ego, show you your obstacles and addictions and break your heart open if necessary so new light can get in. The transformation you're about to undergo is as inevitable as the death of a physical body. You cannot stop it. The shift is not only necessary, it is inevitable.

Switching from a normal relationship into a twin flame union is not the equivalent of moving from one relationship to another. It's an actual quantum jump between levels of consciousness and parallel dimensions. To maintain a physical union with your twin flame necessitates a completely new level of honesty, transparency and acceptance and it requires a strong, real connection to your true Self as well as the spiritual Source (God, Allah, The Creator). More often than not, when twins first meet they are simply not ready or strong enough in their connection to themselves to be able to make this quantum jump. Often the twins fail to see that what is being offered is not only a new relationship, but the opportunity to become all that they are meant to be. 

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Your twin will be the greatest thing that has ever happened to you in this lifetime, but will also challenge you in ways which you view as extremely difficult. This is for you to locate and acknowledge blockages and fears within your ego to release it. It might be fear of rejection, jealousy, possessiveness, bitterness and/or hatred to your past, fear of not being good enough and other ripple effects of fear-based thinking. Often what twins fail to realize is that they're offered a great opportunity to grow spiritually and emotionally by examining thoughts, feelings, fears, pain, doubts and beliefs to shift from fear-based thinking to heart-based being. As you do the work inside out, you're causing both of you to grow. While you release it in yourself, you release it in your twin as well because whatever issue, distress or dissatisfaction you might be having, your twin has it too. It might appear differently, but the main cause to the issue exists in both of you as you are one and the same. If you choose to deny it all and postpone the growth you've been given the opportunity to achieve, the issue will arrive again shortly as it has to be dealt with and healed. It will never pass. When you actually heal the cause to uncomfortable feelings, you're doing yourself as well as your twin a favor, because whatever changes in one of you, changes in both of you. The issue will disappear and it won't return unless there's more hidden darkness and baggage within waiting to see daylight. 

When you choose to surrender to the knowing of the transformation you inevitably have to go through; you grow emotionally and spiritually in tremendous speed and you release tension within yourself. As you do this you will erase obstacles in the relationship. Obstacles usually ending in twin flame separation. The separation will be inevitable if you refuse your transformation. If you can't face your fears and inner troubles while in the relationship you will find yourself thrown out of the relationship where you're left with no choice but to transform and face it all alone. In other words, the pain you'll feel when separated from your twin will bring every fear and distress to the surface all at once where you're left with no choice but to face it, find ways to heal your sorrow and grow from that experience. As mentioned, your transformation is inevitable. If you do the work required to release ego and fear-based-thinking to grow emotionally and spiritually, the relationship will continuously grow deeper and better in an never ending euphoric spiral.

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If the twin flame separation takes place, you will not be separated forever.  One or both twins often rate the “risk” of moving from what is a safe, familiar and manageable relationship to what is unconventional, passionate and intense as simply too high. In pure defense of the distress caused by the intensity, many will escape the relationship to opt for a more familiar route and relationship.This often happens if one of the twins is spiritually and emotionally more mature than the other. The emotionally and spiritually immature twin will run from the mature twin until the maturity level is about equal and you're both ready for the final reunion.

If you know by now reading this, that you're separated from your twin and what you go through is as painful as a living hell.. Slow down. Let it go. As I said, you will not be separated forever. It's not possible. Completely surrender and trust the process you're going through. This transformational process will lead you back together. You're chasing the impossible if you're chasing your twin. If you run before a mirror, what happens? The running will be reflected on you. If you run, your twin will run as well as your twin is your reflection. You're both running in the same direction. You also run in exact same speed which means you'll never cross paths. If you stop, your twin stops. The road back to your twin flame requires real connection to your true Self as well as the spiritual Source (God, Allah, The Creator). As you grow, so does your twin. Your emotional and spiritual connection within yourself will reflect on your twin. As this transformation is finding it's place in you, it's being integrated within your twin as well, resulting in you being equally spiritually enlightened with depth needed to prepare you for a final twin flame reunion.

Ok, pause! Pause for a minute. I know this is heavy stuff and almost written like it's to prepare you for a job interview before signing a contract. Well, this is the most important job you'll ever get and it's where you sign and fulfill your soul contract.
Take a breath and know that if you feel like I portray the twin flame union as a complicated, fucked up and difficult relationship, I'm here to tell you, it's not. It's freakin` INCREDIBLE! It's out of this world amazing. The gift given to me through this union has erased so many fears and blockages in my life I don't even know where to begin. It has provided me with a love so infinite I go to bed every single day knowing I couldn't possibly love him more than I do right now, but wake up the day after loving him 1000 times more than I did yesterday. It just never stops. It's like a fountain growing bigger and stronger as each day pass. You'll find a link to my twin flame experience here or at the end of this article.

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So now what? How can you make this complicated journey as smooth, balanced and delightful as possible? You have to fully accept and connect to who you are and your true Self, let go of your ego, surrender to your destiny, have faith in yourself, have faith in every process you're going through in life no matter how painful and acceptance of your soul contract is a necessity. You have to love yourself unconditionally and practice unconditional love and compassion for all life, because that's the purpose of the soul. That's who you're meant to be. Then, and only then, will you be able to maintain the twin flame relationship or yet again meet your twin flame, fulfilling your eternal promise to each other. The promise of giving each other what you need to be who you're meant to be.

I might have scared you a little on the intensity of meeting your one and only, but it's the reality of the twin flame reunion. The whole process is actually stupid simple when you know what you now know after reading this. All that's required are complete honesty, transparency, communication, introspection and letting go of your ego through spiritual growth
Nothing can be compared to a twin flame relationship. Absolutely nothing! 
The greatest sign I got right before and after meeting my twin was that I saw 11:11, 11/11, 11-11 etc everywhere! Don't look for it, but if you see it, your twin is getting closer.

 
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