relationship advice

Twin Flames

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Imagine your soul energy burning in one big flame. Imagine that flame being divided in two. One part of the soul in you and one part the soul in another. You're each a whole and independent individual, but still one half of a greater oneness; The Twin Flame Union.

The feelings of recognition brought on by the union of your souls are felt so intensely that everything outside of this awe-inspiring, wondrous connection simply ceases to exist. If one or both twins are already in relationships, these often get temporarily pushed aside and totally eclipsed by the power of the twin flame connection in order to allow the strong bonding between the twin lovers to take place. When you meet your twin flame you'll be astounded by how deeply and endlessly you love this person, not with time, but immediately. Love at first sight. The status of existing relationships with someone else falls to be completely irrelevant. Many walk out of existing relationships upon meeting their twin flame simply because the love and connection felt is so strong that staying in the old relationship becomes an unbearable lie. It's like an uncontrollable explosion of a love so powerful you don't even know what to do with yourself, how to slow down the process or even resist it. The connection is so intense and insanely good it almost hurts.

In the beginning you'll be surprised by all the things you have in common. Similar experiences from the past, similar thoughts and feelings, you view the world in the same way, you have almost identical visions, ideas and plans for the future, you think the same way, you feel the same way, you even know what your twin is thinking and feeling. There's no end to the synchronicity between you. You end each other’s sentences. You say the same things at once. You call each other at the same time. Send texts at the same time. Think about and want the same things at the same time. You'll be overly amazed by how much alike you are and often end up saying; "meeting you was like meeting myself!" That's exactly what happens when you meet your twin.

As the bond and connection between you and your twin flame grows deeper and deeper, you'll discover that it's not synchronicity by chance. It's too much to be a coincidence. Thoughts like; "you can read my mind" are very common. Your twin flame is your mirror, a reflection of yourself, your values and experiences, your point of views, dreams, visions, thoughts and feelings. It does not stop there. You are the energetic mirrors of your souls. When you look at your twin you see your soul. You and your twin's soul are the same. You will come to the realization that you've known your twin before. It's a recognition between the two of you not possible to explain as you've never met in this reality. You will both be filled with a new truth of previous lives and existence. And as you spend more time with you twin it feels less like you're getting to know him/her, but more so that you remember who he/she is.

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Seeing yourself reflected in your twin's soul is a spiritual experience beyond human explanation. It has to be experienced and felt. It's like a beautiful feeling of coming home. You will learn the meaning of loving someone completely unconditional and nothing other than your true self is required of you to be. You will love and be loved in a way you never even dared to dream of. That love will be the strongest love you've ever felt and it will change you forever.

Nothing can or will ever come in the way of your love for each other. Read: your love for each other. However, your life together might be a whole other story if you're not ready for the intensity of a twin flame reunion.

When connecting with your twin flame your soul awakens. As your soul awakens, what comes to the surface is not only the blissful and magnified divinity, light and love, but also every other dark part of your soul. The dark parts of your soul is to be found and released within your ego.

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We all have our inner demons hidden and concealed, but as you reunite with your twin flame, those demons wake up. It might be lack of self-love, self-mastery, self-acceptance and image of your own Self, which you've been running from and denying. It will all be awakened and reflected back on you which brings forward a whole new level of an uncomfortable reality. Whether you want it or not and regardless of your choices from the point of meeting your twin, the meeting signals the start of a metamorphosis; a journey of self-discovery and transformation which calls you to re-evaluate everything you think you know. Just like the metamorphosis of the caterpillar transforming to a butterfly. This destructive process will provide you with new knowledge pushing you out of the co-dependent, ego-based relationship mind-set into the reality of unconditional love.

A true twin flame is the most important person you'll ever meet. They tear down your walls and smack you awake of your own Self. A twin flame's purpose is not only to provide you with the greatest love of all, the unconditional love, it's to shake you up, challenge you, tear up your ego, show you your obstacles and addictions and break your heart open if necessary so new light can get in. The transformation you're about to undergo is as inevitable as the death of a physical body. You cannot stop it. The shift is not only necessary, it is inevitable.

Switching from a normal relationship into a twin flame union is not the equivalent of moving from one relationship to another. It's an actual quantum jump between levels of consciousness and parallel dimensions. To maintain a physical union with your twin flame necessitates a completely new level of honesty, transparency and acceptance and it requires a strong, real connection to your true Self as well as the spiritual Source (God, Allah, The Creator). More often than not, when twins first meet they are simply not ready or strong enough in their connection to themselves to be able to make this quantum jump. Often the twins fail to see that what is being offered is not only a new relationship, but the opportunity to become all that they are meant to be. 

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Your twin will be the greatest thing that has ever happened to you in this lifetime, but will also challenge you in ways which you view as extremely difficult. This is for you to locate and acknowledge blockages and fears within your ego to release it. It might be fear of rejection, jealousy, possessiveness, bitterness and/or hatred to your past, fear of not being good enough and other ripple effects of fear-based thinking. Often what twins fail to realize is that they're offered a great opportunity to grow spiritually and emotionally by examining thoughts, feelings, fears, pain, doubts and beliefs to shift from fear-based thinking to heart-based being. As you do the work inside out, you're causing both of you to grow. While you release it in yourself, you release it in your twin as well because whatever issue, distress or dissatisfaction you might be having, your twin has it too. It might appear differently, but the main cause to the issue exists in both of you as you are one and the same. If you choose to deny it all and postpone the growth you've been given the opportunity to achieve, the issue will arrive again shortly as it has to be dealt with and healed. It will never pass. When you actually heal the cause to uncomfortable feelings, you're doing yourself as well as your twin a favor, because whatever changes in one of you, changes in both of you. The issue will disappear and it won't return unless there's more hidden darkness and baggage within waiting to see daylight. 

When you choose to surrender to the knowing of the transformation you inevitably have to go through; you grow emotionally and spiritually in tremendous speed and you release tension within yourself. As you do this you will erase obstacles in the relationship. Obstacles usually ending in twin flame separation. The separation will be inevitable if you refuse your transformation. If you can't face your fears and inner troubles while in the relationship you will find yourself thrown out of the relationship where you're left with no choice but to transform and face it all alone. In other words, the pain you'll feel when separated from your twin will bring every fear and distress to the surface all at once where you're left with no choice but to face it, find ways to heal your sorrow and grow from that experience. As mentioned, your transformation is inevitable. If you do the work required to release ego and fear-based-thinking to grow emotionally and spiritually, the relationship will continuously grow deeper and better in an never ending euphoric spiral.

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If the twin flame separation takes place, you will not be separated forever.  One or both twins often rate the “risk” of moving from what is a safe, familiar and manageable relationship to what is unconventional, passionate and intense as simply too high. In pure defense of the distress caused by the intensity, many will escape the relationship to opt for a more familiar route and relationship.This often happens if one of the twins is spiritually and emotionally more mature than the other. The emotionally and spiritually immature twin will run from the mature twin until the maturity level is about equal and you're both ready for the final reunion.

If you know by now reading this, that you're separated from your twin and what you go through is as painful as a living hell.. Slow down. Let it go. As I said, you will not be separated forever. It's not possible. Completely surrender and trust the process you're going through. This transformational process will lead you back together. You're chasing the impossible if you're chasing your twin. If you run before a mirror, what happens? The running will be reflected on you. If you run, your twin will run as well as your twin is your reflection. You're both running in the same direction. You also run in exact same speed which means you'll never cross paths. If you stop, your twin stops. The road back to your twin flame requires real connection to your true Self as well as the spiritual Source (God, Allah, The Creator). As you grow, so does your twin. Your emotional and spiritual connection within yourself will reflect on your twin. As this transformation is finding it's place in you, it's being integrated within your twin as well, resulting in you being equally spiritually enlightened with depth needed to prepare you for a final twin flame reunion.

Ok, pause! Pause for a minute. I know this is heavy stuff and almost written like it's to prepare you for a job interview before signing a contract. Well, this is the most important job you'll ever get and it's where you sign and fulfill your soul contract.
Take a breath and know that if you feel like I portray the twin flame union as a complicated, fucked up and difficult relationship, I'm here to tell you, it's not. It's freakin` INCREDIBLE! It's out of this world amazing. The gift given to me through this union has erased so many fears and blockages in my life I don't even know where to begin. It has provided me with a love so infinite I go to bed every single day knowing I couldn't possibly love him more than I do right now, but wake up the day after loving him 1000 times more than I did yesterday. It just never stops. It's like a fountain growing bigger and stronger as each day pass. You'll find a link to my twin flame experience here or at the end of this article.

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So now what? How can you make this complicated journey as smooth, balanced and delightful as possible? You have to fully accept and connect to who you are and your true Self, let go of your ego, surrender to your destiny, have faith in yourself, have faith in every process you're going through in life no matter how painful and acceptance of your soul contract is a necessity. You have to love yourself unconditionally and practice unconditional love and compassion for all life, because that's the purpose of the soul. That's who you're meant to be. Then, and only then, will you be able to maintain the twin flame relationship or yet again meet your twin flame, fulfilling your eternal promise to each other. The promise of giving each other what you need to be who you're meant to be.

I might have scared you a little on the intensity of meeting your one and only, but it's the reality of the twin flame reunion. The whole process is actually stupid simple when you know what you now know after reading this. All that's required are complete honesty, transparency, communication, introspection and letting go of your ego through spiritual growth
Nothing can be compared to a twin flame relationship. Absolutely nothing! 
The greatest sign I got right before and after meeting my twin was that I saw 11:11, 11/11, 11-11 etc everywhere! Don't look for it, but if you see it, your twin is getting closer.

 
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Arguing isn't communication, it's noise. 

Why do we fight? Why do we use our energy on something so destructive? It's said it's healthy to fight. No. It's not healthy to fight. Communication is healthy. People say they feel closer to their partner after resolving a fight. But ask yourself; is the fight that makes you feel closer to your partner? Or is it that you finally got to express your feelings and you communicated your way to resolving the issue that makes you feel closer to you partner? Communication is the key to success in every relationship, friendship and work relations.

There's one major key to fight less and communicate more.
Think about this for a second;
If you always explain why you react to something, rather than staying silent in your hurt feelings or anger, you will open up conversations where you communicate without arguments because explanations make people understand. It might be a heated discussion, but if you communicate well, which demands both listening and telling, everything is usually resolved within minutes.

My boyfriend stopped kissing me every time we kissed one day. I noticed it, but didn't say anything. Every time he did this my emotions grew stronger in ways reminding me of rejection. That night when we kissed again, he stopped me once more. I was filled the usual thoughts you get when you feel rejected. So I closed myself off and stayed silent in my own emotions to protect myself from further rejections, which is a natural reaction. He knew something was up so he asked me if something was wrong. I said no. Silly me.  This continued for about an hour not realizing my bitter behavior bothered him more than me just admitting my issue. He refused to give up on the conversation. He didn't understand why I was acting that way and not understanding something can be really frustrating, so he basically forced me to talk to him about what was going on. And oh, am I glad he did. And I'm so grateful to have a man who does not run away from situations like that. It would just magnify the issue and would pour fuel to me feeling rejected. I think I learned more about communication during the short following conversation than I have our entire relationship.

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So I finally told him:
"I feel sad and rejected because every time I've kissed you today, you've stopped me."
His answer was:
"Honey, it's because my nose is all stuffy. I can't breathe when we kiss longer than I can hold my breath. You know I've got the flue? And you know better than thinking I would ever reject you. I never want to stop kissing you."


So there I was, feeling as needy and over-sensitive as ever. My feelings, even though a bit over-reactive, was as real as day to me because I am over-sensitive to rejection based on childhood experiences. Anyways, I just had to laugh at the whole thing. Seeing how my inner child reacted to kisses a few seconds shorter than usual increased my introspection more than I could imagine short kisses ever would. It showed me that I need to work even more on that inner child still suffering from abandonment and rejection. His way of comforting me in a situation where I felt ashamed of my reaction made me yet again realize how extremely lucky I am to have him. It was all a win-win-win-situation. So we laughed together, had a great, deep and vulnerable conversation and we kissed until he could no longer hold his breath. 

My point with saying this is that if I had just asked in the moment of reacting: "Why do you stop kissing me today?" I would have got my answer and I wouldn't have spent an hour feeling sad thinking he was rejecting me. I wouldn't even have spent a minutes. I would have saved myself from hours of feeling rejected and would have saved him from exhausting himself to get me to talk. Such a small thing, but such a big lesson!

What I've learned from this is that a great amount of hurt feelings are purely a misunderstanding. We usually interpret an incident or situation in the worst possible way, only to find out later that our conclusion was nothing even close to what this situation was really about. So again:
If you always explain why you react to something, rather than staying silent in your hurt feelings or anger, you will open up conversations where you communicate without arguments because explanations make people understand. It might be a heated discussion, but if you communicate well, which demands both listening and telling, everything is usually resolved within minutes.

Talk to each other. Be vulnerable and honest about who you are, why you react to different things and why you sometimes lose your balance. Losing balance in yourself is part of finding the balance in the relationship. You are two completely different human beings, with completely different backgrounds, different trigger points, reaction patterns and communications skills. Teach each other to know each other through communicating everything you feel, good and bad. BUT, there is a huge BUT, always make sure that when you do communicate your feelings, be certain that what you communicate is exactly how you feel.

Always boil it down to the root. Why do you feel the way you do? What has happened? And tell the truth. Always speak your truth. If your partner can't handle your truth, doesn't respect your truth, your insecurities or your vulnerability, ask yourself if your partner deserves the best of you. This is important, because it's when you open up and acknowledge your issues that you actually grow and get to know yourself better. Just like I did. It is essential to your relationship to yourself and to the relationship with your partner. No one is perfect so don't try to be. Putting your emotions, needs and wishes aside to benefit another is not the equivalent of being a good partner. Quite the opposite if you ask me. Because it's only when you're true to yourself and honest with yourself that you will be completely true and honest with your partner, which is a key factor i trust, loyalty and dependability. I do not believe that a relationship with the lack of true and honest conversations will last as long as you might want it to.

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Don't take her for granted

Our bedroom. Two voices. I knocked..

Strangers. Friends. Best friends. Lovers. Suddenly strangers again. I met my soul mate. She didn't. No return policy on the ring. Rumors say I didn't love you. I did. I do. I always will.  

Chattered soul. Tears like barbed wire. The sound of sorrow. Taste of anxiety. Sight of loneliness. Felling empty.

Mind explosions. Visions of the two of you. Get out of my head! Unthinkable. I thought we were inseparable. Welcome to the fault of my heartbreak.

I was a beautiful day, mid June. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her shiny blond hair fell perfectly effortless over her forehead as she turned to me. Her smile. Oh, her smile. Teeth like pearls on a row. Double dimple chins. Porcelain skin. Hourglass-shaped body. Clear eyes with colors of a beautiful bursting green galaxy. Vibrant. Charismatic. Artistic personality traits. Creative to the core. As exciting as exploring. As complex as a paradox. She was the one. The one I never dared to dream of. The one I didn't believe to exist. But she was real. My best friend. My team mate. My biggest fan. Hundred cheerleaders in one. She saw me. She heard me. Listened with attention. She never complained. Except that I didn't really see her anymore. That I took her for granted. She was right. I didn't see her. Until another man took her. While I was looking right through her, another man was looking right at her.

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Now I'm looking at her with the exact same eyes, but I see her differently.  I say she broke my heart, but did she? No. I broke my heart. Me not listening. Me taking her for granted. Me not attentive enough. Me not affectionate enough. Me not complimenting her. Me not seeing her. Me not bringing her flowers. Me rushing to the office when she made breakfast for the two of us. Me not noticing her new hair cut. Me not bragging about her. Me not prioritizing her few whishes. Me not choosing her before anything else. Me not cooking her dinner. Me not surprising her. Me not excited about what she was doing. Me not telling her how amazing she is. Me not making love to her. Me not hugging her every day. Me not sending random flirty e-mails during the week. Me not touching her. Me not showing her how irresistible she actually is. Me not taking her on dates. Me not showing her off. It's me. I broke my own heart. She did all of the above, constantly. How could she give so much of herself only for me to gain, without me giving? Because that's the kind of woman she is.

A man, I don't know his name. I don't want to know. I'm sure this man is buying her roses right now. He will tell her how pretty she looks today. He will pull her hair behind her ear, kiss her on her cheek and say he missed her during the day. He will lift her on the kitchen counter and prove to her how irresistible she is, making love to her right then and there. He will wake up early this weekend and bring two cups of coffee to the bedroom to spend quality time together before the day starts. He will invite her to take a shower with him. He will caress every inch of her body with bubbly soap and take a little foam from his fingertip and place in on the tip of her nose making her laugh. Making her feel girly. Making her feel safe. He will tell her how he's the luckiest man in the world and she will follow with why she's the luckiest woman. He will surprise her by taking her to a place she's never been before but said she wished to see. He notices the little things. Because that's what she always does. She listens. He will want to give what he gets. He will be what I never managed to be. He will be a giver as he receives. He will always put her first. She will always put him first. She gives it all. She'll always be his backbone as she was to me. She'll always give him a better night after a rough day. She will massage him to release his tension. And he will massage her feet after walking around in her pretty high heels all day. She will always manage to be whatever it is he lacks. When he lacks motivation, she will inspire him. If they have a setback, she will provide for a major comeback. He will treat her as his queen because she treats her man like a king. He will study her artwork and cheer for her. Something I never did. He will be her everything. He will be the one to see everything I see now. He will be the one to say everything I wish I said. He will be the one to do everything I wish I did. He will be the one to hug her back to happiness when she's upset not saying a word, knowing her silence says more than her words. Because where I looked right through her, he looks right at her. He will be the one.

But she cheated? Yes, but I understand why. We gave each other several promises, she broke one, I broke almost each and every one of them. 

We take our partners for granted. We are so used to waking up tomorrow noticing everything is right where we left it yesterday. Don't mistake people for beings things. The things will never move, but people will. And there will always be someone standing right behind you, seeing who's right in front of you, whom you only look at.

 
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