taken for granted

A comfort zone is not comfortable at all; it's fearful.

I'm guessing at one or several points in life you feel stuck. At home, in your marriage, relationship, work, career, health, money, environment, life purpose, spirituality, creativity and/or sexuality. When your body needs something it sends a signal. When you need food, you feel hungry. When you need water, you feel thirsty. When you need sleep, you feel tired. When you feel stuck in your life it's a signal that your human needs are not being met as they should.

Growing up my mom made me do all the things I didn't feel like doing! She made me go to school when I wanted to sleep in. Go to practice when I wanted to relax. Do my homework when I wanted to watch TV. Clean my room. Study. You get the picture. For most of us, that was the reality. Spoiler alert: You're not a kid anymore!

As an adult you won't magically feel like doing any more than you did as a kid. You will never feel like doing things that's really uncomfortable. Ever!

Why do you hit the famous procrastination button called snooze? Because growth and change is painful and uncomfortable.. but only at first. This often ends in settling for less than what you really want. You think life is ok as it is even though you want and wish for more. No! Life isn't ok. It shouldn't be just ok. Life is MAGNIFICENT! It's amazing! It's a miracle. This post was inspired by Mel Robbins' TED talk where I learned the scientific odds of you, yes YOU and all of us being born. It's 1:400 000 000 000 000 - one in four hundred trillion! That's not just ok. It's freaking incredible. Life is incredible! Do not settle!

stuck2.jpg

When you procrastinate, it haunts you non-stop reminding you of it until it's done. When it's finally done you feel free, energized, empowered and proud of yourself. I bet you've heard the cliché "just do it!" - well, that's exactly what I'm telling you to do. 

You know what you should do but is it enough just knowing what you should be doing? No. Action is what begins the process. "Just do it!" begins the process. Have you ever done something uncomfortable just because you wanted to do something uncomfortable? If so, I would love to hear about it. A sudden sense of feeling like it is most likely not what happened. You made the choice because being stuck brought more discomfort than making the changes you procrastinated for so long. You found the courage to "Just do it!". 

"You will make the change when the discomfort of remaining the same is greater than the discomfort of changing."

No one ever FELT like doing something uncomfortable; they felt like it because they didn't see any other ways to get what they really want! Had they gotten easier and more comfortable solutions they'd choose that. If you could take a pill and loose the weight rather than spending hours at the gym and eating dry chicken and veggies, you would. If you could make more money from your warm soft bed rather than working harder, you would. If you could get an easy way out, a shortcut, that's what you would do. Not to spoil the end of the story here, but the odds of that magical easy way out is around zero somewhere. It takes action, time, effort, attention, work and dedication to change something you're dissatisfied with. Those changes usually feel painful at first, but nothing is as painful as being stuck.

Have faith in yourself and your uniqueness. Be your own best friend! Don't belittle yourself by saying you can't do it. Don't wait for the perfect moment. Don't wait for when you're ready. If it's not perfect now, if you're not ready now and you don't feel like it now, guess what?! You never will... You never will.

comfort-zone.png

Does perfect suddenly arrive? I don't think so! Do you think the perfect time, the perfect business, relationship, book, product or way of life just happens? I certainly don't. I think everything in life is an ongoing process, which needs attention, focus, dedication, work and love to thrive. You have to allow yourself and dare to be in an uncomfortable state to expand and grow. It's your nature to grow. You've never seen a kid who can't walk fall down a gazillion times giving up on ever walking. It's not in your nature to give up! Nothing ever stops growing, so why should you?

"Don't let perfect get in the way of possible."

comfort zone quote 2.jpg

As a matter of fact, a comfort zone is not comfortable at all. It's as uncomfortable as it gets because it keeps you from living the life you really want. Do you know why you're so scared of stepping outside that zone and making the changes? Because you're afraid that the results you so dearly hope for won't be the reality of the outcome. In other words, you're scared because it would be heartbreaking not to see your dreams come true if it doesn't work out. Therefore, a comfort zone is just a limitation holding you away of something greater. Comfort zone = Fear.

Remember; the odds of you being alive are one in four hundred trillion. Don't waste that by giving in to this fear and settling for "it's ok" when every day you get to live is a true miracle! Be the bold daredevil you admire and be the one you look up to the most. That's where the magic in life is. That's where the one in four hundred trillion exist.

"I can't do it." - Yes, you can. And how can you say that when you've never really tried?
"I don't have the time." - Make time. Time is based purely on priorities. 
"I don't know how to do it". - Educate yourself.
"It's too risky." - No, it just uncomfortable.
"I'm scared it won't work out." - Never trying is the only dead end.
"I'm not good enough." - You're one in four hundred trillion. You're a miracle!
"What if I get rejected?" - A rejection is only a redirection into something even better.
"What if I fail?" - What if you fly? 
"It's been done before." - Never by you.
"I don't have the money for it." - Get partners on board. It's better to own 50% for a success than 100% of an idea.

There's no valid excuse as there's always an answer to why and how you can make the changes. Excuses are only procrastinations keeping you from what you really want. Away from your dreams and living them to the fullest.

It's all up to you. Growing up we never knew we had to be our own parents as adults. Just as your parents made you do all the things you didn't feel like doing, they also told you that you could do and be anything you want.

MelwBookExcited.jpg

Now what? What can you do to stop procrastinating what you know you should be doing, but just can't find yourself to actually do? I could write for days about this but I would suggest you start with Mel Robbins' 5-second rule. It's a game changer. She's my mentor and a true role model.
She's my hero.

Don't take her for granted

Our bedroom. Two voices. I knocked..

Strangers. Friends. Best friends. Lovers. Suddenly strangers again. I met my soul mate. She didn't. No return policy on the ring. Rumors say I didn't love you. I did. I do. I always will.  

Chattered soul. Tears like barbed wire. The sound of sorrow. Taste of anxiety. Sight of loneliness. Felling empty.

Mind explosions. Visions of the two of you. Get out of my head! Unthinkable. I thought we were inseparable. Welcome to the fault of my heartbreak.

I was a beautiful day, mid June. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her shiny blond hair fell perfectly effortless over her forehead as she turned to me. Her smile. Oh, her smile. Teeth like pearls on a row. Double dimple chins. Porcelain skin. Hourglass-shaped body. Clear eyes with colors of a beautiful bursting green galaxy. Vibrant. Charismatic. Artistic personality traits. Creative to the core. As exciting as exploring. As complex as a paradox. She was the one. The one I never dared to dream of. The one I didn't believe to exist. But she was real. My best friend. My team mate. My biggest fan. Hundred cheerleaders in one. She saw me. She heard me. Listened with attention. She never complained. Except that I didn't really see her anymore. That I took her for granted. She was right. I didn't see her. Until another man took her. While I was looking right through her, another man was looking right at her.

toa-heftiba-205003.jpg

Now I'm looking at her with the exact same eyes, but I see her differently.  I say she broke my heart, but did she? No. I broke my heart. Me not listening. Me taking her for granted. Me not attentive enough. Me not affectionate enough. Me not complimenting her. Me not seeing her. Me not bringing her flowers. Me rushing to the office when she made breakfast for the two of us. Me not noticing her new hair cut. Me not bragging about her. Me not prioritizing her few whishes. Me not choosing her before anything else. Me not cooking her dinner. Me not surprising her. Me not excited about what she was doing. Me not telling her how amazing she is. Me not making love to her. Me not hugging her every day. Me not sending random flirty e-mails during the week. Me not touching her. Me not showing her how irresistible she actually is. Me not taking her on dates. Me not showing her off. It's me. I broke my own heart. She did all of the above, constantly. How could she give so much of herself only for me to gain, without me giving? Because that's the kind of woman she is.

A man, I don't know his name. I don't want to know. I'm sure this man is buying her roses right now. He will tell her how pretty she looks today. He will pull her hair behind her ear, kiss her on her cheek and say he missed her during the day. He will lift her on the kitchen counter and prove to her how irresistible she is, making love to her right then and there. He will wake up early this weekend and bring two cups of coffee to the bedroom to spend quality time together before the day starts. He will invite her to take a shower with him. He will caress every inch of her body with bubbly soap and take a little foam from his fingertip and place in on the tip of her nose making her laugh. Making her feel girly. Making her feel safe. He will tell her how he's the luckiest man in the world and she will follow with why she's the luckiest woman. He will surprise her by taking her to a place she's never been before but said she wished to see. He notices the little things. Because that's what she always does. She listens. He will want to give what he gets. He will be what I never managed to be. He will be a giver as he receives. He will always put her first. She will always put him first. She gives it all. She'll always be his backbone as she was to me. She'll always give him a better night after a rough day. She will massage him to release his tension. And he will massage her feet after walking around in her pretty high heels all day. She will always manage to be whatever it is he lacks. When he lacks motivation, she will inspire him. If they have a setback, she will provide for a major comeback. He will treat her as his queen because she treats her man like a king. He will study her artwork and cheer for her. Something I never did. He will be her everything. He will be the one to see everything I see now. He will be the one to say everything I wish I said. He will be the one to do everything I wish I did. He will be the one to hug her back to happiness when she's upset not saying a word, knowing her silence says more than her words. Because where I looked right through her, he looks right at her. He will be the one.

But she cheated? Yes, but I understand why. We gave each other several promises, she broke one, I broke almost each and every one of them. 

We take our partners for granted. We are so used to waking up tomorrow noticing everything is right where we left it yesterday. Don't mistake people for beings things. The things will never move, but people will. And there will always be someone standing right behind you, seeing who's right in front of you, whom you only look at.

 
see her quote 2.jpg